One of the most important tasks of parents is to teach a child not to be afraid to try new things, to believe in himself. How to achieve this?
My colleague, a good psychotherapist, once told me about a strong impression of the behavior of her client, a young woman whose son suffered from the consequences of children’s cerebral paralysis. This boy tried to dress independently, but he did not succeed. Although the child did not cry and did not stop his attempts, it was visible from his face that he was very suffering.
Mother silently stood nearby and looked at him inseparably, biting her lips. She was completely focused on her son, on his efforts, but did nothing to help him. And my colleague, whose heart ached from sympathy for the baby, asked the woman with surprise and reproach: “Why won’t you help him?”She looked at her with an expression of deep pain in her face and replied:“ Don’t you see that I help him?”
And the therapist suddenly saw the whole situation as it should have seen from the very beginning. Mother was not just near the child, she was all in him, she dressed with him, committed all these efforts, overcame his awkwardness and helplessness.
In her gaze, in the fact that she did not try to do anything instead of him, there was a deep faith in her son, that he could handle himself – and it was thanks to this faith that the boy continued his attempts to dress and did not even cry.
There are two types of parents who are equally erroneous.
The first – when parents simply prohibit the child with any manifestation of activity that looks risky in their eyes and can lead to unpredictable and dangerous consequences.