The grandson studied at the university, but threw him in the last year, having already received the topic of the diploma project. Soon he is 30, there is no higher education, lives in the apartment built for him. She said that I would make an apartment on him only when he receives a specialty, she will protect the diploma. Do I am bending a stick, demanding from my grandson to be responsible for his actions?
Olga, apartment is your property, and you decide how to dispose of it. You can give it to your grandson, you can not give it, you can sell and give money to those in need. But the way you pose a question is blackmail, and you are unlikely to achieve them a positive effect. The grandson can go to your lead and finish your studies, but what will it change? Will he have a desire to work in his specialty? And what will it give you?
You do not write whether your grandson works in principle, what he lives on, what he does. Perhaps you do not like his choice. But this is his choice. And his life. Just like your choice – give him an apartment or not, whether to live in it or not.
Why is it so important to you that the grandson has a higher education? You have an installation that every “decent person” should have it? Or you are not able to look like a statute in the eyes of friends, whose grandchildren have studied in universities is not enough for you?
According to your letter, it seems that from the very birth of your grandson you gave him everything by default, and now you are perplexed, why does he himself want nothing. This is true?
There are almost 30 your grandson, and he, in principle, should not do anything to you. And if his life suits him, then why should he change her for the sake of you? Imagine that another adult will begin to demand something from you. Will you have a motivation to give him what you want? You can only ask your grandson, and he will do
it – if, of course, he considers it necessary.
If the grandson lives at your expense, then the decision will be entirely dependent on you: to continue to support it or not. Of course, with your actions and conversations, you can have a certain influence on it, but it is fraught with power and blackmail for relations from the standpoint of strength and blackmail.
Think about whether the fact of a diploma has really important for you that you are ready to ruin your relationship so important? Or, perhaps, he has a job, interests, personal development, but without education, this is also good? You do not have to make a decision on who will belong to the apartment right now. This is not so important how to build a dialogue with the grandson and listen to each other’s opinions.